A Glass Half Full of Stuff to Read

Short Poems, Long Poems & Limericks

The Nutty Butler

Never was there a butler more nutty

Than the one employed by Alfred McTutty

Who lives in a castle by Loch Doolalalally

With a penguin named Pete

Wearing gloves on his feet

And a scarecrow with whom he is pally

 

A long time ago when Alfred was sane

He put a sign inside his window pane

It said: “BUTLER – WANTED HERE”

When a hand knocked on the door

Opened the door

Walked across the floor and then knocked on his ear

 

“Good evening good sir I see that you're hiring

And I'm just the butler that you're requiring”

Said an unusual man

To whom McTutty nodded a nod

But something struck him as frightfully odd

Because he was standing, upside down, on his hands

 

“Very good sir, 's wonderful, 's marvellous, 's great

Now let me get you tea before it's too late”

He said dashing off to the kitchen

Still with hands on the ground

While Alfred he frowned

And scratched his head though it was not itching

 

Later that day when his food had been served

More oddness from the butler Alfred observed

When a boot had been put on his plate

“What's the meaning of this meal of an old shoe?”

“Just try it sir, you may find it might do”

He did and it tasted quite great

 

It was in fact a boot shaped cake

That the butler had decided to make

And though it was strange Alfred ate it with zeal

But while the taste was enticing

Above cake's icing

The shoelaces were exceedingly real


 

He spat out the laces and pulled several faces

When the butler returned taking extra long paces

Wearing a dress, and a hat like a carrot

Then began to dance a one-armed dance

Around a pair of underpants

While singing like a parrot

 

This went on for a long time leaving Alfred confused

“Should I feel happy, should I feel sad, angry or even amused?”

He thought before starting to speak

And asked his new servant

What it all meant

Though the outcome would probably be bleak

 

“I'm not sure I understand the point of your games

Tell me my man, what is your name?”

He asked his newly employed nutty butler

“A good question sir

But I'm really not sure”

Was the response that he did utter

 

“I've been called many things

Many insults and zings

Many say that I'm untreatable

But it really doesn't matter

If the name doesn't flatter

Because as a butler I'm utterly unbeatable”

 

Before McTutty could mutter, splutter or stutter

He found his mouth blocked by a big block of butter

And the butler continued his work

While Alfred discovered

That the butler he treasured

Because he too had gone quite berserk!


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