Funny poetry and other stuff for kids by Mark Megson
A Glass Half Full of Stuff to Read
Funny Poetry, Short Stories and Animation
They say there's an app for everything
But on my phone it's truer than true
Because it's smarter than smart
And that's just the start
Because it's powered by magic
And a little voodoo
There's an app to mow the garden
There's an app to clean the house
There's an app that does my homework
There's an app that can trap a mouse
There's an app to change the weather
There's an app to control people's brains
There's an app that can stop the world from spinning
But not one that can stop you
From going insane
And just as I had the world on its knees
My phone it did beep and the screen it did freeze
Then before I knew it my plan ceased to be
Because my phone simply said
"Low battery".
Featured Poems
There is a silly sausage in every porky pack
And when the other links aren't looking
When they've turned their beefy backs
The silly sausage will escape and head off on the run
Looking for a good time just like this pink and perky one
Out of the frying pan and over the fire
He leapt sprouting little sausage legs
To avoid being burnt with the bacon
And fried up with eggs
He sang sizzle sizzle while playing a fiddle
And whizzed around the kitchen tops
Making the meatballs green with envy
As well as the pork pies and the pork chops
Cartwheeling through the cakes and sweets
The sausage did not like to linger
And when I tried to catch him as he capered
He slipped right through my fingers
But just when he was having his silliest fun
Dancing with a banana, a biscuit and a bun
His plan it started to go south
When he danced onto a levitating fork
And right into my mouth!
Never trust what it says on the label, when you're buying condiments for the dining table.
A tragic tale of a buttery boy who spent too long in the sun.
There were nerdy cowboys too, and the Calculator Kid was the best of them.
Dr Garbagestein was a doctor who really stunk, especially when he made a monster from the rubbish he collected.
There have been many pirates, but Hooty's the only one with a trombone nose.
A cocky cockerel has plans of world domination, but doesn't get much further than the farm gate.
The tale of how Alfred McTutty got his silly servant, and how he went nutty himself.
Make paintings not war is the philosophy behind this colourful tale.
Ever wondered what lurks in a porta-loo, turns out it's a doorway to another world. Nose pegs at the ready.
Some guidelines on the art of a well dunked biscuit.
Where do all the old railway tickets go? The eternally perplexing question answered.
Forget square eyes, that's so '90s, this is what could really happen if you spend too much time on a computer.
A Letter to Timbuctoo - (3 pages)
Herbert is a postman with the intelligence of a post, and an undeliverable letter that takes him on a journey to Timbuctoo.
The Boy Who Bounced To The Moon - (7 pages)
NASA uses rockets, Timmy uses a trampoline, the moon isn't made of cheese.
The Elephant Who Dried Up - (3 pages)
A long time ago an Elephant from a continent far, far away, took a nap and dried up.
The Gingerbread Man Murders - (2 pages)
A grizzly case turns out to be quite sweet for detective Ivanna Clue.
Jam Donuts & The Fifth Dimension - (7 pages)
A scientist with a sweet tooth, time travel, donuts - this story has it all.
The Old Man Who Thought He Was a Pirate - (8 pages)
A tale of morals, treasure, and an old man who gets turned into a rabbit.
A vending machine breaks down, leaving the snacks inside stuck and one of them dangling.
An assortment of animations, spoken versions of poems and other stuff for the ears and the eyes...
A man with a hole in his bucket
Tried to put out a fire with it but it
Didn't help him at all
'cause the water would fall
All out before he got chuck it